Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Luck?

Jeopardy and the last five minutes of Wheel of Fortune are the only television game shows that Avis and I watch. We are still surprised when one of our doctors' appointments in Indianapolis takes most of the day. Many times we have been driving up I65 and one of us will say, “At least we’ll be back home for Final Jeopardy.” We drive into the garage and rush into our Maine Room just in time to hear Alex Trebeck read the final answer and tell the contestants, “Good Luck.”

Luck is a word that has bothered me lately. Avis and I were eating with Barry and Jan Callen last Monday night. I was a little down because of the chemo I had taken last week and had been thinking about “luck.” I said: “I don’t think I can believe in luck.” We began talking about luck and predestination and if God really knows the future. When we were born did God know that both Avis and I would be diagnosed with cancer in 2007? Do we really have choices in life and is it just luck if one never has an incurable disease? Barry helped to clear up part of my question when he said to us “God gave humans free choice. God took a risk that creation might choose against him and love—but it was a risk God chose to take for the sake of love. Therefore, God knows everything that exists to be known; but what free humans have not decided cannot be known by God because the decision does not yet exist.”

I have prayed the prayer that “God loves me and has a plan for my life.” The really hard question is this: If God’s plan for my life is not to heal me, will all the people who are praying for me have an impact on His plan? This scripture in Jeremiah (29:11-12 The Message) gives me some hope: I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.

I’m still working on some of these hard questions but they are not based on luck.   



Sunday, November 14, 2010

Foot Washing

The aftermath of 14 rounds of chemo in a month's time, has taken its toll on my sixty-seven year old body. Besides the neuropathy in my feet, the loss of smell, most of my taste buds, and part of my memory, I have started experiencing a tremor in both hands. When holding any object, the shaking is more prominent. Recently I have noticed that the tremor is more acute before mealtimes. So far, because of the style of art that I have developed, I have been able to continue drawing every day. One may tell the difference in the quality of my illustrations but I will continue drawing as long as God gives me my sight, function of my right hand, and a sound brain, I will persevere.

I had labs last week and with no surprise, my white blood count had dropped to 0.6. This is part of the plan that my oncologist has put in motion to kill the myeloma. I will have labs tomorrow (11/15) and also Wednesday. Hopefully the white count will be increasing. My oncologist's assistant told me that after next week, the protein in my blood would be checked. Seven more rounds of chemo may be needed.

One of the first questions I am asked from a stranger who sees me drawing is: How long have you been drawing? If I have time to answer a nurse or person in the waiting room, I tell them that I don't remember how young I was but I recall drawing my left hand while sitting in church as a child. For me, drawing hands and feet has always been difficult.

About six years ago, the staff at Park Place Church of God asked about ten of us artists to capture a scene of Passion Week. The last time I had painted with oil was over forty years ago. By the time I had enrolled at Anderson College in 1964, acrylic paint was the norm. I don't recall anyone of the art majors painting with oil. Most of us painted on canvas board instead of stretched canvas. Fast forward to 2004, I had decided to stretch myself. I told the staff that I would take the scene of foot washing. I decided to paint with oil on stretched canvas and the size would be three feet by four feet. Most who know me as an artist/illustrator, know that my drawings are eight and half by eleven inches and in black and white. I did complete the painting and it hangs in a stairway of our church.

There are times when I pass the painting that I recall the first time I was included in the foot washing service at my home church. It was the Austinville Church of God and I was about twelve years old. I remember I happened to be seated in a circle next to Brother Hickman Smith. This man always seemed bigger than life. I considered him a kind of saint singing in the church choir with his booming bass voice. There he was singing from the old red hymnal, page 255, D.O. Teasley's song “A Song of Joy” -- There's joy, glad joy, there's joy, glad joy, Now flowing from above; There's joy, glad joy, there's joy, glad joy, In the fullness of his love. -- I can still hear him singing “glad joy” with conviction. There I was sitting next to Brother Smith and the next thing I know he was washing my feet! In my development in my formative years, this was an important milestone.

Hickman Smith was the grandfather of Christie Smith Stephens. Christie and I have been friends since before the second grade. We first recall each other as we were standing at the entrance of the Austinville church. We are holding on to the screened door and watching the Dockery house on fire. Later, we were in Miss Collier's second grade class and hence the book “Oh, to be in Miss Collier's class again!” 

 

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Unknown

For me, most of the time, the unknown is scary.

We arrived home last night (11/6/10) from the hospital in Indianapolis after I had completed six more rounds of chemo. This was a follow-up from three weeks ago with the same procedure.

My sister called this afternoon to see how I was doing. She always wants to know the next step with my journey. My oncologist needs to keep checking the protein in my blood. This indicates the progress of the cancer. Last summer I was receiving reports that the cancer was winning. But a letter arrived while I was in the hospital that indicated that my condition was improving. When Avis called to tell me of the news, I couldn’t respond. She said “David, are you still there?”

They tell me that this type of cancer is incurable but treatable and news of this nature tells me that God still has a plan for my life. Although the unknown is still the unknown, I still live with the hope that some of the projects I’m working on will be finished.

I know that there are “unknown friends” and longtime friends who are praying for me from all over the world thanks to David Coolidge’s email ministry. The one prayer that really touched me happened this summer. Our Sunday school class meets at a local Mexican restaurant once or twice a month. I felt well enough on one occasion to join the crowd in the small room with fifty other members. Our waiter knew of my illness and he asked to pray on my behalf. He prayed in Spanish and a class member interpreted. It was a moving experience.

Days like that, I can know that whatever happens, I can receive some peace and know that God will take care of the unknown.

David Liverett