The Pressure

“Wait a moment until I get to my happy place!” The nurse, holding the armband to get my blood pressure, was taken aback. This special place is at Two Lights, Maine. I remember sitting at the base of the famous Cape Elizabeth lighthouse while the east sun illumined my face with its warmth. The sight and sounds also include the surf crashing on the rocky shore and the clattering noise of gulls following the lobstermen out of Casco Bay. It only takes me about five seconds to recreate the image before the sound of Velcro breaks into my concentration.

I think of the life-changing pressure when other victims of myeloma are told that this is a cancer that is not curable but treatable. Most of the time the treatment is very hard on the patient and the caregivers. I do know that I would be in some assisted living facility if I didn't have Avis keeping track of my medicines and doctors' appointments. Thank goodness for those five words, “in sickness and in health.”

I remember being in the hospital earlier this year when a psychologist came to my room and after some light conversation, she asked if I was depressed. After that conversation, I have thought about that but try not to dwell on it. Avis tells me that my personality has changed over the last three years. I know I don't have the patience I used to have. At other times I start crying at the slightest provocation. It may start with a thought or just a certain word I hear. 

This morning (October 18, 2010), I will have labs drawn to determine if the medicine has been working. Last Thursday my white count was 0.2, so I must be careful not to come in contact with common germs or I will need to be taken back to the ER. I will be spending four more days in the hospital as part of my oncologist's plan, starting November 3. I would like to make a trip to South Bend on October 28 to help celebrate my grandson Connor's eleventh birthday. Staying away from crowds and wearing a mask will be necessary but my doctor will make the final decision.

So the pressure is on everyday for all fighting this disease. Some have people praying for them and I know so many who are encouraging me. I am overwhelmed by the love expressed to me and to Avis. I still hold on to the realization that God loves me and has a plan for my life.